Although I have experienced my share of pain, I have been fortunate in having been spared the chronic physical kind that can become so debilitating. Until recently.
A few weeks ago my back began to hurt. Usual methods of resolving it—ice, massage, rest—did nothing to improve things. The pain progressed, becoming so acute that I couldn’t stand up without crying out. I finally got an MRI which revealed several herniated sections of disc had broken off and taken up residence on my sciatic nerve. Ouch!
Blessedly soon, I was admitted to the hospital where modern medicine and a terrific surgeon did their magic. As I write this, I’m gratefully hobbling around, settling into a pace to my days that will allow my body to heal. It has been humbling, to say the least.
Here is what I have learned so far:
1) Pain has a purpose. It announces itself–with increasing volume–when something in our lives needs attention. When my back issues started up, I tried to carry on with normal life. But each day the pain got noisier. I finally got the message, reconfiguring my priorities to address what was going on in my body instead of pretending it would fix itself. Once I lined up with reality I was able to find out what was going with my back and do what was needed to resolve it.
We can resist, numb ourselves, or medicate it away, but ultimately, pain’s message is essential to our highest good. It could be a physical issue, but that discomfort can also be that our eight year old child’s anxiety is taking over his life, or our teen’s withdrawal may be signaling more than appropriate adolescent pulling away. It is important to pay attention when pain comes calling.
2) We are all vulnerable and needy. Like it or not, we are an inter-dependent species. We are meant to lean on each other when we are fragile and to prop one another up when we are strong. There are times when emotional, psychological or spiritual challenges demand that we reach out for support to our tribe. This is simply part of being human. It is vital that we create a network of caring souls around us if we don’t have one.
I needed help with everything. My husband was my champion, up night after night getting ice packs or hot tea, preparing healthy meals, keeping the house tidy. But he, too, needed breaks. I had to say Yes to help from neighbors or friends, which can feel uncomfortable for independent types like me. But as a result, a new neighbor became a cherished sister as I wept in pain while trying to sit up and eat. Ego doesn’t know what to do with itself when we have to lean on others, and that’s okay.
3) Most of us is okay, even when some of us is not. It was a struggle to remember this, but powerful and true. After surgery removed the pieces of disc from my sciatic nerve, I thought I would be pain-free right away. I am not there yet. Healing takes time. When I get discouraged, I find it helpful to allow the pain to be there and to heighten my awareness of all that is just fine in my body, mind, and spirit.
My toes feel fine, as does my head and fingers and heart. The air is soft and comfortable. The squirrel outside is having a great time harvesting nuts. So much is going on worth enjoying, even while the pain is there. A shift in awareness of all that that is well can make those things that are painful easier to handle.
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My world is smaller and slower right now, and that’s all right. A short walk to the patio to enjoy a cool breeze becomes a moment of pure happiness. The soup a friend makes with love becomes medicine. Leisurely backgammon games with my son, long naps, stretches of time looking out the window–I’m okay with it, trusting that my body is doing the miraculous work of healing itself while I do a whole lot of nothing.
I hope that if you are in pain of any kind you will allow it to guide you toward hearing its particular message and move you toward healing of body, mind, and heart.
Warmly,
