Hi. Hi, guys. Welcome.
I know people are just showing up. I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry we even have to do this. Hi, Laura. Oh, golly gosh. Okay. Whoever, we'll say this a few times. Whoever is here, we're glad you're here and we're sorry that you need to be here, but let us know from the get go, what do you need? And we have some things we want to offer in terms of support to you and answering questions about how to talk with your children.
Hi, Laura, but please also use the chat to let us know what would be of most help to you in our little bit of time together. Okay. It's our honor and pleasure to do it. And Laura, anything you want to say? No, I'm I'm so sorry that we have to be here today doing this. This whole situation is heartbreaking.
And I know that people all over the country And really, much further than the United States, are sending their love and support to folks in Southern California right now.
Gina, that's the first time I felt close to tears. Oh, gosh. It does help to not feel alone when you face something so hard. We can't get rid of it, but it helps to not feel so alone, and it helps to know that there are people who care. Yeah, I think that was my desire when I did this, during the pandemic.
I had just been about to take a rest. I was so exhausted and the pandemic hit and I ended up starting something. I think you joined me for one of them called Better Together. Yes. Yes. In some cases, I think we had a thousand people signing up. It was really a need. And I think it's early for many people right now.
Those who have shown up are brave to like, even dip their toe in we will I'm committed to continuing this gathering for a while with different colleagues or with you because it's, it is when you just know somebody cares and everyone in your immediate vicinity may be so overloaded themselves.
And they can't like even I'm sorry you're sad, but I'm, I wonder for the folks who are here with us today, what's happening for them, if they want to share anything about what's going on for them. And if you don't, that's fine, but if you would like us to know what's going on for you, I think that's a great place to start. And if you want to just listen for a while and just take it in let's.
Let's make room for that, too. I'm going to watch the chat, but if no one responds, at least right away, I was wondering if we could just do a quieting just for a minute, just, yeah, just a little few breaths, bringing ourselves present, just wrapping ourselves in safety. I think this is part of what's happening is our nervous systems get dysregulated when we face scary situations.
So just breathing and coming present helps. Let's do that for a minute. And then Stacy, I see that you raised your hand so you can come on. I'll bring you on in a minute. So let's just take a moment. For those who are here, do something tangible I think would be good so you can rub your hands together and feel the warmth, the friction.
You can tap. We could do you know what EFT, Laura? Yeah. We'll do that in a few minutes. Why don't we do that in a few minutes? Maybe put your hands on your face. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say havening says just to hold yourself. Or rock. This is a good way to calm and soothe and you can show this to your children.
So if we're going to do this for a few seconds and Stacy, I got your message. Thanks. So we're just gonna be here. Listen to my voice. Take a breath. Feel your body wherever it is on a couch, on a cot, in the car, on the seat. Close or open your eyes. For some of you, it's almost better to have your eyes open when you're feeling trauma.
Closing your eyes makes it too hard to keep images away, so looking out at something right in front of you. So I'm looking at a beautiful oak tree. And I'm holding myself to ground myself and I'm rocking a little bit, taking a breath. Laura, would you like to add something? The research is that shows that we don't really know who's holding us.
When you put your hand on your heart rhythm settles down. When you hold yourself as you were just doing, you feel held. So it doesn't matter that it's you doing it. You still feel the benefit of it. I'm loving this. I can just sit and rock all day. We all need that calming, that feeling of safety.
Yeah, another one that I wanted to show you. And again, my apologies. This is not a highly structured class or anything. We're just showing up and being present for you guys. And as things come up, but one thing that I learned from a woman on a YouTube video that I found helpful. It's a way to connect, activate or engage the vagus nerve. So if you put your finger in your ear, there's a little hole, right? Sorry if my ear doesn't look very nice. And you just massage in there. Oh my gosh, I instantly start to relax. So my fingers literally in my ear, not poking straight, but in that it's positioned there and then in the vicinity around it to just massage and down top bottom sides.
The other one is to pull on your ears. Like this, these are also ways both for you and for your children that can calm your nervous system down.
So let us know in the chat what you need and if nobody puts anything in or what you're going through. We're going to talk, maybe Laura, we could start with how we want to help parents talk with their children about what's going on. I don't see anything in the chat, so why don't we go there. Let's talk about that.
So obviously. Kids are hearing from everything around them. Their antenna are up there in a state of alert because they don't feel safe for obvious reasons. And so our number one job is to stay connected with them and to help them feel safe. And. You really can't do that as easily if you're upset, and of course all parents are upset right now.
So when I say that's our number one job, we have to back up and say, okay, I'm going to take care of me. I'm going to calm myself down. And you have to do it over and over again, all day long, because naturally you're going to find your mind is going to start to catastrophize. You're going to be grieving.
You're going to be angry. You're going to be. Just on a high alert yourself. So I think if we can give, I think what we just did is really good. Some concrete tools. And I think Probably people could write in the chat things that they find that can help them get re centered because they're not in their usual routine.
So you know, in your usual routine, maybe you go out for a walk on the beach, on a regular basis. You might not be doing that these days. So to find things that you can hang on to, that you can build into your routine even now and do a few times a day, different things so that you can calm yourself.
I think that's. The most important thing. And then we can talk about how you talk to your child and what you actually say. Does that make sense? Yeah. So put in the chat whether you, first of all, I'd like to know if any of you have actually been impacted directly. If you've lost a home or if your community or friends have lost homes, we'd love to know where you are coming into this.
Cause that can help shape the conversation. I'm moving my body indoors and calling a friend. I found friend stuff really helpful. Oh, you lost your home and community in Altadena. I'm so sorry, Vanessa. Sorry. I've been in touch with Tina Bryson and she, been in close touch with her who lost the school where she's worked for 15 years and has a family staying with her. It's just reached every corner. Community and friends have lost homes. Asking the best ways of developing resilience. Yeah.
Oh, I think Anthony is asking a question. That's a good place to start. Oh, and Scarlett also lost her home. Wow. I want to say that resilience comes from feeling like whatever happens, you can handle it. It doesn't mean you can promise that bad things don't happen. It means you can handle what happens.
That's the definition of resilience. I think we still When you say the philosophical themes, I think those are really important to talk about. I think even before that, we just acknowledge the feelings. Because we, like right now, everyone on this call feels grief, and that doesn't mean you won't also feel other things.
But to have someone say something philosophical it'll all work out, it's not going to help you at all at this moment, right? Philosophical themes are great as a way of making sense of things, but they happen after we do some emotional processing. Let's pause again. And I want to model for you, first of all, those of you who've lost homes or you're really, your community's been impacted, your friends, words can be overwhelming.
So let's pause again, and I'm, I want you to do this through the day. Let's just get quiet again, hugging yourself, rocking, eyes open or closed. There's going to be a rhythm that has to go really slow right
now, thousand thoughts rushing through you. Where are you going to live? Who's your insurance? What about the car? What about the school? When it starts to pile up, which it will, I'd love to help you set a routine. And it starts with not saying a lot of words, just okay. I feel the pileup, all the what ifs, how, I'm back here,
because in this moment, all this wreckage is around, but in this moment, if you can stay grounded, you're okay. Now, you might not be feeling great. I have two friends in Malibu that I've just made soup for, that somebody's gotta find their way to get to them. Despite the roads being blocked, they both have COVID in the middle of this.
Maybe you're not okay, okay, but if you're hearing this, you're alive, just keep coming back to this. And as Laura said, We are the anchor for our children. We are the safe Harbor, wherever that is. It could be in a shelter. It could be in your car. They're going to be looking to you to see how you are and taking their cues from you.
I have a lot of other tips, but I almost feel like too many words right now will be. Overwhelming. So again, those of you who especially have lost homes and are displaced, is there anything in particular that you need or a question you'd like us to look at in terms of how your children are doing or what you might need to support them?
Maybe.
So we'll just keep going. Let's talk a little bit about the language for kids. For young, we'll start with young kids. Laura, do you want to start with that? So young kids can't make sense of the big picture. They're concerned about the, where's my house? Where's my doll? Where's my dog? Will we be going home?
Why are we sleeping here tonight? Why does the air smell funny? And the answer is what I would always start by asking what they think because kids have all kinds of ideas like maybe They were bad and they're being punished. Some kids actually are thinking that right now. Or they maybe if they could just do something different, that's more a little, usually they're, that's a little older developmental thing, but like a six year old might have the magical thinking that somehow they could save the day they could do something.
So I think we start with. When your child comments on something, what do you think? Why do you think the air is like this? And they might know, they might say the fires. You say, yeah, that's right. And they might have an opinion. You want to just listen. And then you give facts, simple facts on their level.
For a three year old, it's everything was very dry. And it's hard to stop the fires once they spread. We're okay. You're okay. I'm okay. I'm keeping you safe. That's your over and over primary message. We're okay. We're in a shelter tonight because our home was in the way of the fire. We will be okay.
You will, we will, the easy replacement thing doesn't so much work. The, we can find you another dolly. Yes, obviously a dog, it's a whole different thing. And so we have to allow room for there to be grief because they're going to say, but wait a minute, my house. My dog whatever their loss is, they will, they, we need to be able to honor their grief and just let them cry.
What we don't need, and I'm going back to Anthony's question. We don't need to be, to say, to give them meaning, we wish we could dissolve their pain by giving them meaning. I think what we need is to say, it's okay to be sad. We're all so very sad. I'm here. I've got you. You're safe. You're going to be safe.
And I would also add that the other grownups have them too, in the sense that the firefighters are working very hard. They're solving this. It is going to be over. I know it seems terrible right now, and it is, but it's going to be over. The firefighters are getting the blaze under control. That's good.
That's good. And again, to you are the ground, you're the, you are the atmosphere for your child. Now, for an older child, of course, it's going to be different. You've got a 12 year old. They're going to know what's been going on, and they're going to perhaps be launched into anxiety, because wait a minute, my whole school?
What about the grocery store? Especially I know in Al Sadina and in Pacific Palisades, these are tight little communities where You have your routine. This is the place you go for breakfast. This is but you hold yourself first as the anchor. And then you answer the questions that they're asking.
Where am I going to go to school? You can say, I, it looks like we're going to know within the next two weeks. So don't go on long or we're going to be homeschooling for a little while, distance learning for a little while. Try not to. get into great detail about what, the details are. It's just going to be a little piece of information at a time.
I want to read this. Okay. Felix Payne is asking how they can be honest about their own grief. And help have the kids feel safe. And Scarlett, I think that it is completely fine to cry in front of your kids to show them your grief. It is in fact, there's we've lost so much. And I think you're giving them the message that.
The grief is appropriate. It's okay to grieve at this moment for them and for you. And also you cry and then you pull yourself together and blow your nose and hug your kid and you say, you know what? We're going to get through this. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel sad. We feel terribly sad.
And we're going to be okay. We've got you. And you do not have to take care of me. I've got even you see me crying. That's okay. I am your mom or I am your dad. I am going to take care of you. I'm here to take care of you. You do not have to take care of me. And to your point, that's just how, yes this parent who's lost a home is saying, how can we be honest with our grief, but also make them feel that we can keep them safe.
My nine year old seems to be trying to be strong and cheerful. This is not uncommon. And even me doing this event, having lost a home, not recently, but in 2018, having been through so many wildfires in Ohio and in Malibu, this for me is therapeutic, like showing up for this. And so you're a nine year old in a way, it's the same kind of pattern that, what can I do?
So this little guy trying to be cheerful and comfort mom or dad is what that child feels they can do it in the face of powerlessness. I feel powerless. So I'm Laura, would you do this thing with me? This is how we're set up. So I would receive his kindness and his good cheer, but also say, sweetheart, I wonder if you're also feeling like this is bigger than anything and you don't know what to do to make it.
better. Sometimes a child finds it a great relief to be relieved of the job of taking care of or comforting a parent. And I like what you said, Laura, about yes, you can cry in front of the child. It's entirely appropriate. And then you get up and you finish making the sandwich. And I think what you just said about the child finding a way to empower themselves to, to do one thing that makes things better is actually positive.
One, one thing we know clearly from research about kids and tragedy is that when kids feel like there's something they can do, anything. Yeah. It helps them to feel less like a victim, more empowered, and more capable. And I think that's true for all of us. You and I are doing this workshop because it's something we can do, right?
And everyone on this call, there's something they can do that's a small thing, probably taking care of their kids in the face of this, but that empowers them. And maybe talking as a family about, is there something we can do to help? You just made soup for folks that you know who had COVID. Every family, even a family in a shelter, can do some small thing.
Even sending a prayer. Even sitting down and sending good wishes to everyone in a shelter tonight. That's really nice. One thing I want to touch on, and I don't want to keep people too long, but again, if you want us to go in a particular direction in this conversation, speak up please and let us know.
Let's talk about when things start to die down in some areas. Do you take your child to see the wreckage of their home? Do you take them to see a community that's been leveled? In general, my suggestion is It's going to be very age specific and each child is different, their maturity and so forth.
And also you can't help it. Some kids have already seen their house. They've already seen the neighborhood. They've seen the TV shots. But in general, it seems like showing a photograph. First, even if you get a shot of your neighborhood and you do a screenshot, it doesn't even have to be your house.
Exactly. If the whole thing is down titrating or dosing the exposure. I know for me when our house burnt down in 2018, and I had a general idea of what things were like, and part of it was still standing. Nothing, even now, I'll probably start crying when I think about what it was like to put on the, we had like a hazmat suit that we had to put on.
I got them for my son and daughter in law and husband. We, the four of us met at the house in these white overalls and masks and booties and it was quite intense. And so please take your time. If you do need and want to go to the house, I would not recommend that you take your children. Let yourself be exposed to it in whatever way works best for you and process that a little bit, cry, be with friends, have your children cared for, if at all possible, elsewhere, before you introduce them to the actual physical debris.
And certainly in a place where hundreds of houses are gone, I would take your time in that visit and start by a photograph when you feel that it's appropriate and necessary. And again, pair that with, this is our home. We loved it so much. Our hearts are broken that all the things we loved about it and the special things we had inside.
are not ours to have anymore. We also feel grateful that we're fine and okay and that we know there will be help or that we'll find a home to live in and it will never be the same as we had. We know what made our home the best thing was that we were together there and that is always going to be the same.
And piggybacking onto that, wherever you are right now, a relative's house of friends. a shelter, try and have a couple of routines. It may not be the full, you can't have your normal bedtime ritual and here's where you take your bath. And wouldn't you agree, Laura, that routines are very comforting for children?
Yes, absolutely. That, that is, I think parents need a little self care routine and you can think of Just things that will calm you down all day long and I think the routines that you're describing for kids. We could think of like that when children, when something so unexpected has happened for them and they've lost the life they had to have a routine that in any way echoes it is actually so reassuring.
So it might just be you're in a shelter. Honey, it's 730. We're going to start cleaning up. And I'm sure many of you are trying to do this already. Even if you don't have your child's books, but you could make a new routine. We don't have our favorite books, but let's see if we can try and play a little bit of a game where we try and remember the story.
Maybe it's The Very Hungry Caterpillar and you do your best to call it to mind if you don't have access to that book. Also, tone down all the things you're trying to do. Oh, I should go to a book, a used bookstore and find that book. Maybe, but maybe just do this. Put your arms around yourself and rock back and forth.
There will be time for those things. The more you can take care of and ground yourself.
That is what's called for right now. We're talking about this as being. Offered this first of what I think will be a number of events, similar events for supporting parents. This is in it. The fires are still burning. We had friends here before last who had just evacuated. We were on the phone with other FaceTiming with friends last night.
And then new flashes of the fire encroaching further into LA. So while you're in it, just slow, quiet, what were you going to say, Laura? I, when you were talking about, can we remember the book and try to tell each other the story, it made me think of a very effective way to help children process big emotional things.
Play, but also creating books. And Anthony has just asked, what about having children make drawings of a rebuilt community or home? I love that idea, Anthony. And I would even back that up and start with, let's write books. a thank you letter to our house that burned down our community that isn't the same.
Let's write a thank you letter about all the things we loved. And it can just be the kids can draw pictures. It can be, the kids can just brainstorm things that they loved. It can be just one line, right? And It helps, when kids do that, it helps them acknowledge all their caring for what they've lost.
And I think if you do that one day, and then another day, you say if we, what would you like our new place to be like? Yeah, and then draw those pictures. And then for the kids who aren't huge fans of school, who might quietly be, I, I think most children, even if they don't like school, will be devastated that their schools are gone.
If you want, if there's a window where things are not quite so heavy, you might say, okay let's imagine if you could design the new school, what would you make different? What, how would you design it? Which is a, we're looking for ways for you, but also for your children to feel empowered.
Oh, if I had the power to design a school, most of it would be a park and there would be a little fishing pond over here and then there would be like this really a water slide. So just let them run loose with that. It's a way to step out of the reality. That you're in and let your creativity and imagination offer you something that might be some comfort.
And that's one of Anthony has another comment here, which is fabulous, which is what about having children, right? Thank you. Letters to firefighters and first responders. I think if you do it with them, that's, you're not setting that task for them like a school task. It's more there's so many helpers who've been helping out.
Let's think of all the people who are helpers and the things we appreciate about them. Can we draw a picture and send them a note? What would you like to say to this, these firefighters? And we'll send it to the firehouse. Yeah. Beautiful. We used to do, I say we used to do because there were so many fires I've been through in Malibu.
We used to make cookies and then they would have a staging area or, and now what I'm reading is in some cases they don't want to. Homemade food. You have to find out in your locale. There are certain risks to having homemade food, packaged food, or maybe pack, I know that they feed their firefighters, but find out what they need.
That was something we enjoyed. Enjoyed is a weird word, but we did that. I think my son felt like, okay, we're helping some kids though. It's too close to home to see the line of fire trucks. I know again, all the fires I've been through. It's daunting. It's overwhelming and it's usually adjacent to where there's a fire or nearby.
So be aware of your child and what they could do. And there are other ways to offer support. Somebody is saying, asking an important question here. Hi, unfortunately the wildfire has triggered other traumas I've experienced my whole life. I'm 45 year old woman who's experienced war for eight years in the Middle East.
Any suggestions how I can get my mood better in this very hard time? Yeah. For sure, it's going to trigger other trauma. And I would say that the place to begin is there's time honored ways of dealing with trauma, but it's really about the body, right? So the place to begin is always with the body's safety or feeling not safe.
If you've been in a war zone, your fit, your body is going to be already on edge and then to have the fires happen, of course. So any, Anything we've talked about today to settle the nervous system, but taking that to what you think is an extreme, it's not an extreme. You need to really put your own nervous system front and center to, to comfort yourself.
I think that's right. And I would add that the things we've talked about, these small physical things are great. Listening to things is great. So having meditations that calm you is terrific. I have some like that just to, like four minutes to calm yourself down kind of thing. So I could share a meditation after this and we can send it out.
If we have the, if we know who's what we'll have. I think we'll do it next. It's just, I didn't want people to feel they had to sign up, but of course, if you wanna stay in touch Amy, let me just find the thing I know for our list, and Laura, you might have something comparable, but if you wanted to stay in touch, you go to, you text this number, oh gosh.
3 1 0 9 0 5 8 1. And that way you'll get emails from us with more support 310 905 8165 and you put the word newsletter in there cause we'll keep doing these. But one thing I wanted to point out, cause I know a lot of people came on late again, this is a very calming thing. Your fingers in your ear, not poking your eardrum, but it's in that little opening and you just start to massage in each direction, just pushing down, pushing each direction down.
Activating the vagus nerve can be a calming thing for those of you who are feeling trauma. Also being out in nature. For me, it's the most reassuring and settling thing. Any nature you can find, now if it's very smoky where you are, that may just be staying inside with your air cleaner and either looking out the window or looking at YouTube videos of nature.
And like you said, with listening, Laura, music, what is a piece of music, or what is a, kind of music that takes you, transports you, because your nervous system is very malleable and it will, it can calm down even when you're feeling hyper or vigilant, but you have to support it. I have here audio that if I can it doesn't seem to be accepting it, so maybe I can't post it here, but we'll get it to people something That would be helpful in there.
Amy, you can't go into the settings to do the chat. Advanced. Yeah. I also wanted to just say something to again, back to Anthony's original question about philosophy and how to help kids feel like there's still, there's some meaning here. And I think you answered it yourself, Anthony, you said, ultimately, what do we possess on the inside of us?
That cannot be burned up and is indestructible. And as Susan said, what makes a home is the family that lives in that home. And we're taking that family with us wherever we go. So I think having those discussions, asking your kids, what, what do you think is indestructible inside us? What do you think matters the very most in a home?
All those other things are important. The drawings on the refrigerator, the tree outside, but what about the family that lives there? That's the most important thing we'll always have with us. So I think those kinds of discussions on an ongoing basis are really helpful as long as we're also allowing, we're not trying to talk kids out of their grief.
That's good. Amy, I don't know where to go to enable the chat. I don't know why Zoom would make us manually go back to their website to do it so that everyone can see everyone's chat. Can you please look into that? And let's make sure that doesn't keep happening because I know that it's either a master setting for the whole thing But you're saying I have to do it.
I just don't know where you want me to go to do that. Cause I'm not seeing anything. The only thing I show on my chat option is show prep chat previews. There is no way here. Let me see if there's one more. Okay. Found it. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Hey, excellent. See, okay. It's not a master setting. Okay. It's the three little weird dots.
It's just three tiny dots. No worries, Beth. I'm glad you were here. Somebody else just posted that they had a I live in El Segundo, so we aren't physically affected by the fires. I want to take my son somewhere to volunteer, whether it's with animals or victims. What places do you suggest? How old is your son?
I think that's a key piece because a young child, it's going to be quite traumatizing. There might be other things they could do. Do you have any thoughts? I think it depends on where you're talking about taking them. If you're, if you have a nine year old who's going to help you. to be passing out sandwiches somewhere. I think that's fine. I think you're not going to do a four year old doing that. Okay, 13, almost 14. I think you're fine.
And there are, they can do more things than that. It's true. Do you have ideas, Susan, about where someone could? I know when my son was about that age, there was a place in LA called Food on Foot. And there, there will likely be shelters probably would be, the thing is you don't want to go into a fire zone right now.
So you have to be, Mindful of what's safe. But there will be shelters. And certainly I knew my husband and I have tried to sign up with the Red Cross to see if we could go to one of the kind of refuge places. Someone saying maybe a neighbor needs help with the animals, but she's not in an area adjacent to the fire.
So There are a lot of shelters who are taking animals right now who are probably overloaded and could use help. That's a great idea. That's an excellent idea. Thank you. And those places taking animals are pretty far from the fires themselves. So it's quite possible that the two of you could go.
Yeah. That sounds great. If you need something, have a question. Again, we're in such an acute time. stage of this right now that I want to go slow and I do want to close with something. Anything you want to say, Laura, I'm going to let people, I know people have to go and we'll, we will come back together.
That's right. I wanted to, I see that there's a list that, Thayna Vickerman has just, hi Thayna, has just posted here with opportunities for people in the chat, opportunities for people to support others all kinds, in all kinds of ways. So that's also something to take a look at that link that Thayna just posted.
Oh, great. Thank you. Yeah, and Megan is asking how to talk about what's going on with elementary school kids. So I think Again you're saying, she's adding who really do understand what's going on. Yes. So they already understand. But you also want to listen to what they're saying and their, they have, they have ideas and questions about this will this mean we can go back to our exact same spot?
Will this mean we can never go back? I think they're going to, it's when kids have anything else big happening in their life. immediate questions are very much about their own life and what's going to happen next. And so I think the answer to that is, we don't know exactly. We don't know exactly where we're going to live, but we are going to take care of you.
It's going to be okay. We're going to have a place to live that we like living. We'll be. We'll take care of each other. You'll be back in school. But what about my old school? Hopefully we'll be in a place where you'll have some of the same people from your old school. Let's talk about what you'd like in a school.
So I think you don't have a lot of answers, but I do think you can reassure your child over and over again about the particular concerns that they have. And Megan, I think also an elementary school kid is probably going to be asking why, five year olds not really asking why did this happen so much, but a 10 year old is going to say why did this happen?
Is this going to happen again? And those are tough questions, but I think, again, you can give a hopeful answer like this is going to change a lot of things. This is, everybody is going to now be paying attention to this. I don't think this could happen again in the same way because we've, we will learn lessons from this.
There are people who are already talking about how it could have happened and how to prevent it next time. A couple of things I want to add the first I want to just do this again, and I just want to, again, I'm being. I'm being mean. You guys are getting the raw thing. I'm close to tears right now.
And that's just how it is. That's okay. So I'm going to do this. I notice my threshold is low for conversation. We're going to do some EFT in a minute. Also, what's helped me and what I think might help your children and you is when have you also faced uncertainty and survived it? Like the pandemic, one of the blessings that I knew this would be part of the pandemic.
I know it sounds just horrific to say there was something positive, but one of the things I knew would come through that would be as devastating as it was and as impactful and harmful as it was. We do know that we can, as do our children who are old enough to remember, we know that we can survive uncertainty.
And difficult times. So remind your children, they don't have any point of reference. If they've never been through anything with this much uncertainty no one has, but with any kind of uncertainty, if they're very young, tell them the story of when you were uncertain, didn't know how things were going to turn out.
They need to know that they came preloaded with the capacity to deal with things where the path is hidden from them. We don't know what the next step even is. And then I wanted to actually let's do the quick EFT, Laura, to do some calming. I don't want to talk too much. I think it's overloading for people.
But let's do some EFT. Before we do the FT, I want to add one idea. We talked about making a book with kids about a thank you to your home. Kids who had some trauma leaving their home, right? There are some people who actually experienced, they couldn't find the cat when they were leaving or the dog, or they saw flames in the distance.
If there was trauma leaving your home, then it will really help your children to tell the story. And have an ending that is empowering. It's hard, you're not going to have a happy ending, but you can have an ending that is empowering, that there are things that can be done and that there is hope.
So as they tell you the story, they can draw. And then I got scared because the air was full of smoke. Everything looked strange and they can draw a picture of that. That's a way to process what happened. So it's not just the. The immediate, the loss of the home, here I am in a shelter, it's also what they experienced getting from there to here.
They couldn't bring something with them, whatever it is, but the more they can talk to you about it, and you don't have to, you don't have to know the answers as the parent. You don't have to have, you can just say, yes, that was so hard. Yes, you were scared. Yes, but we were right here together. I was holding your hand, right?
So you're acknowledging and you're reminding them that they were safe, they are safe, and we will be okay. It's a really good point, and you need that too, and you won't be able to do that with your children necessarily, although you might have a version of it as a family. Telling the story.
Telling the story. I know when we lost our home, just being able to tell the story of how we found out about it. When my mother passed, telling the story. So trauma is processed. And so let your children tell the story without editing it. They can tell it not just to you, but to grandma. Let them tell it to the dog if there's nobody around.
Or the wallpaper, it's or create the book because it is a way to process, I was really scared, I didn't know what was happening, we left so fast, we couldn't find the cat, as you said I'm really mad that mommy didn't let me go back for my books, whatever it is, like these things don't need you to edit or comment, that happened, and that was a really hard, scary part of it.
So Laura, let's do a little bit of grounding, comforting EFT, and then I'll close it out. So EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique, and it's just a way to tap acupressure points in the body to release stress. So the easy there's other, there are various points. around your body, but we're not even going to do the whole thing.
We're going to do this. This karate chop point is all you really need, and it can be on either hand. It doesn't matter which hand you use, and the way you do it is you take a breath, let it out, and you start with the words, even though, and you acknowledge where you are at this moment, and then you state your hope, or you'd like to shift to, even though.
I feel right now so worried. I know I can handle this, even though right now I feel scared. Not, I am scared. I feel, I know you, I heard you, you said, I feel. Not, I am scared or I am worried, because you aren't fear. You aren't worried. You feel those things. They come and they go. Even though right now, I feel scared.
I feel scared. I know I can handle this. I know I have support. I know people care about me. I know I can call my friend and feel better. I know we're going to get through this. I know we still have our Let's do it together. Let's do it line by line so people can track along. Okay. Go ahead. Even though I feel, even though I feel scared, I know that I can handle this.
That I can handle. Even though worried, I know that I have support that I have. Even though I am, I feel scared. I know that I can find strength inside.
And if you find yourself yawning, that's positive. That's just a release of the feelings. And the research on EFT is that you're basically training your nervous system. So the more you do it, the more effective it becomes. And people can do this with their children. Yes, absolutely. And there's a page on my website, the peacefulparenthappykids.
com website. If you put the EFT, the word EFT into the search box, you'll get a whole article on how to do this with your kids. And we'll make a page of resources too on our Susan Stifelman. com. Let's close it out. Thank you guys for taking time to show up. I hope that you got a little bit of comfort. I know it's been helpful for me.
So Laura, thanks a million for joining me. Right before you travel, you made time for this, and I'm so grateful. Thank you, Amy Nobler, for helping set it up, even as you've been displaced this week. It's I'm grateful. I have a friend, Rob, Robin Posen, who's a psychologist. She's in her 80s. She's a close friend of ours, and she has a quote that I'm going to just leave you with.
And the quote is this. Go only as fast as your slowest part feels safe to go. Go only as fast as your slowest part feels safe to go.
So that's my tip for today. Take it slow. Hold yourself. Use the vagal nerve. Relaxing. Be kind to yourself. Take your time. This will pass. It will have a huge impact on our lives, but we are. strong, resilient, and we have tools to help us through it. Thanks, everyone, and stay tuned. I know that I'll be doing this probably every week from now.
Bye, Laura. Thank you. Bye bye. Bye bye, everyone.