As the holidays approach, I'm dreading the prospect of buying my family gifts that they don't like. Every year I try so hard to please everyone, but it always happens that somebody is clearly disappointed. Do you have any advice on how to handle those awkward moments?

There's nothing quite like basking in the warm glow of happiness on the face of someone you love as they rip off the wrapping paper from your gift and announce, "It's just what I wanted!" All your effort-hunting for a parking spot at the mall or late-night shopping online is rewarded when your present is lovingly appreciated. It's such a sweet moment that many of us pursue it, like the Holy Grail, well beyond reason.

Despite the fact that most parents agree that the holidays shouldn't be about the "stuff," many of us dive into the annual gift-giving ritual with tremendous anxiety. We often go to ridiculous lengths to find just the right toy, gadget or sweater in the hopes that this year we'll actually give our teenage son or our mother-in-law something that evokes their genuine delight.

Sure, it's wonderful when our gift is received with sincere pleasure. But there are always going to be those times when your mother-in-law announces that the sweater "makes me look fat" or your 10-year old grumbles, "This toy is for babies." In addition, for some children (and adults), anticipating what's underneath the wrapping paper is far more enjoyable than actually receiving the gift, leading to inevitable disappointment once the present is revealed.

Here are some tips to help you handle the tension when your gestures of love are met with unmistakable disappointment:

• Make a reasonable effort to get your loved one a gift, and no more. Part of what makes a bad situation worse is when you -- the gift giver -- feel resentful because you've gone to extraordinary lengths to get them something they want, only to feel you've failed. Don't spend more time or money than you can comfortably afford.

• If a family member is obviously disappointed in your present, acknowledge it without being defensive. "Oh, Aunt Alice, this doesn't look like it was quite what you were hoping for" eases the tension by letting her know that you can tell she's let down and you aren't judging or criticizing her for it.

• Allow people to have their reactions without taking it personally; some folks are easily pleased, and others are bitten by the "more" virus, where nothing is quite good enough. Defending and explaining why you thought they'd love your gift is a waste of time and simply adds to the drama.

• Create pressure-free holiday rituals that heighten the simple joy of being together. Whether it's a cookie decorating contest or a game of Charades, create activities the family can enjoy that take the focus off the "stuff."

• If it's terribly important to you that you get someone a gift you know they'll love, ask them in advance to share their wish list with you and stick to things they specifically want. It may be less creative, but you'll avoid those difficult moments of disappointment. One advantage to the current economic downturn is that many families are finding out that what really matters at holiday time is the chance to rediscover how fun it is to eat, play, laugh and spend relaxed time with one another. Set the tone for making that your priority this holiday season and everyone will end up with the gift that keeps on giving, and that's guaranteed to please.