My son is horrid to his younger siblings. I have tried punishing him, separating him and the like but it doesn't matter what I do, when he's in a "mood," he takes it out on them. I'm a single mom and worn out by this. Any advice?

I'm sorry to hear about this added stress in your life. Parenting on your own is difficult enough without having to manage the constant strain of sibling rivalry.Many kids walk around with what I refer to as a low-grade fever of frustration. It takes very little to set them off, and when they are triggered, they will often take their upset out on whoever is closest, especially a sibling. These kids need the chance to offload their pent up aggressive feelings, and to develop other strategies for handling anger when it rises up.

Find a time to sit with your son when he isn't upset, and give him what I refer to as an Act I. Encourage him to tell you some of the things that push his buttons. Keep in mind that it's very possible that what fuels his frustration has nothing at all to do with his siblings; it could be kids at school that exclude him, homework that feels too hard, or a longing to have more of your time and attention.

During this part of the conversation, I don't want you to try to fix any of his problems. Just listen, empathize, and try to put get to the real feelings underneath his behavior, whether it's hurt, sadness, frustration, fear or loneliness. Ideally, as awful as it sounds, it would be great if you could help him move past the angry feelings to the sadness underneath. In fact, we find that kids who are quite aggressive often rarely cry; they've become hardened and indifferent. By giving your son a chance to genuinely feel heard and understood, and hopefully being there for him to lean on as he cries about some of the difficult things in his life that he feels powerless about, you stand a chance of helping dissipate some of the pent up anger that causes him to lash out at his siblings.

In addition, try to catch your son in the act of being kind and helpful. Some families create a Getting Along jar; drop a quarter into a special container when you your son is doing especially well with his siblings. While I'm not a fan of bribing children, I do believe it's fair to offer an incentive or motivation to use new, healthier behavior. You can have a jar for each child, or one for them all, with the money shared at the end of the month.

Another way to reinforce positive behavior is to let your son overhear you talking about something caring that he did with one of his siblings. Kids tend to put more value on comments they overhear than they do on direct praise from their parents. "You should have seen how Jake was helping his little brother figure out how to tie his shoes. He was so patient!"

Finally, by keeping your cool and not adding to the drama with threats and hysterics, you will model for your son that people can be frustrated or hurt without taking it out on others. Use your words when you're upset about something, rather than shouting, blaming or threatening.